Could you imagine being 5 years old and running barefoot for an hour to get to school - eyes wide and elated to be learning in a language you didn't understand? Or being given the all-clear after your chemo to have a future with your children? Really - could you? Then why not stop blaming everyone else for your being overweight? Have some discipline, get to a class and make the right choices. Yours are easy ones. Man up.I saw this on Facebook published as a status from an instructor overseas. While I don't agree with her manner of delivery, and her presumption that being overweight is simply a 'lack of discipline' (in some cases that may be true, though I also know several thin people who are equally lacking discipline in maintaining a healthy lifestyle), she is right in that being overweight is a smaller problem to be overweight than it is to go through chemo, than to live in poverty, so forth.
However. Numerous surveys have shown that children would rather lose a parent, live through nuclear war, get cancer, go blind, than be fat. A brief look on the internet exposes you to pro-ana sites that proudly state that they would rather die of anorexic behaviour to be thin than live a life being fat.
When I was a kid I know I several times contemplated picking up a knife and slicing off a chunk of my stomach. Heck, even into my late teens and early 20s I would grab hold of my stomach and say "I wish I could just slice this off...". I don't know how many people thought this way, and I certainly am not speaking for everyone. I know though that I thought for a large portion of my life seriously did think that being fat was the worst thing that could happen to me. If I had cancer, or if I was blind, or whatever else, at least people would have sympathy for me.
For why I was fat as a kid, yes, I can probably point the finger of blame at my mother. She was the one responsible for making sure I was exposed to good nutrition - which, in hindsight, I wasn't. Now I am, though even though I am doing everything right, I am still fat. Telling me now to have some discipline, get to a class and make the right choices... yeah probably not the most helpful thing you can say.
Do not worry, I happen to not give a damn. I happen to now think that I'd rather be fat than lose a parent. I happen to now think that I'd rather be fat than to lose my sight. I happen to now think I'd rather be fat than to get cancer, or live through a nuclear war.
I also would much rather be fat than have a lack of perception and assume that overweight = sedentary.
If you are sedentary, that could be due to a lack of discipline. Overweight? That is a bit more complicated.
You don't know the story of every overweight person out there, so don't go around pretending you know what will 'fix' them. If you're not in their shoes, you have no idea what choices they are making and you have no idea of the life that they are living. Man up, and shut up.
![Do an RPM Module [27/03/10]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v443/Mmmarshmallow/CAndE/RPM_Module_large.jpg){kind=link}
8 comments:
Thank you.
I wonder if you are the only person out there who won't feel "sorry" for me or lose respect for me or think I am a failure if I don't lose more weight.
That is part of why I come here, Raina. It is a safe place. Thank you for that.
The part where you say at least if you had another ailment people who feel sympathy for you, really struck a chord with me. No one feels sympathy for an overweight person, except those who struggle in the same way. Nicely written!
People can be bloody insensitive and unsympathetic about things they have no knowledge of. The internet is full of assumptions, along with judgmental comments. I wonder if people even think before they bang out those comments?
Lyn - Believe me, I am not the only one who would ever feel sorry for you, lose respect for you, or think you are a failure. If all you read is weight loss blogs where people are dropping the pounds consistently and constantly, then it's easy to think that you're a minority. But believe me, there's plenty of blogs and bloggers out there that would you accept you no matter what :)
Amy - Thank you :) I guess the sympathy thing is also why a lot of young girls (and probably young boys) have their worst fear as being fat; for circumstances like illness, injury, conflict, there will be that sense of community and support. With being overweight, there's an attitude that we've all 'brought it on ourselves' and that its a choice.
Kerryn - I hear you. I believe people 'think' that they think, but I don't think they really go through a proper thought process. That and people are just narrow minded and are incapable of understanding anything outside of their small boundaries.
Hi Raina, I agree that it is not wise to make assumptions about why someone is overweight and to ostracize them for it. I was a chubby kid with a serious disposition toward emotional eating that made my teen years and my twenties absolutely horrific. I had zero support at home; siblings and other relatives were beyond cruel and my parents never came to my rescue. I was constantly told that I was a failure, or a bad person, or a stupid person, and perhaps most significantly, a worthless person just because I was carrying extra pounds. Today, at age 33, with the pain of all those terrible years behind me (though never gone from my heart or from my memory), I am grateful that the experiences of those horrid years forced me to look at the inner beauty within others and within myself; the kind that lasts and grows and shines through with each passing year. I was constantly told that fat "hardens" with age and that if I did not lose it at 20, 24, 26, blah blah blah, that I would finally hit the dreaded aged of "30" and instantly, magically, miraculously be doomed to remain fat forever! Well, at age 31, I decided to make some changes for myself. Not for some dude, not to gain acceptance from assholes, not to be liked, not to be made to feel worthy, I'd soooo been there done that, but because I got in touch with my inner athlete, and, well, I fell in love with her. From there began a journey of eating, sleeping, and being that supported the needs of that inner athlete - her body and her mind - no matter what.
Today, having completed my own transformation, having shed blood, sweat, and tears, I am a fitness instructor. I work with all kinds of overweight people - those with emotional eating issues to those with very low functioning thyroids among a grab bag of other metabolic issues. Yes, there are many (biological) reasons why a person can be overweight and given the complexity and beauty of the human body, we must acknowledge the mysteries behind why some bodies change fast, slow, or (in very rare cases) not at all. That said, I believe the author of the original post (which I didn't think was that amazing, btw), is speaking to the general population. I cannot tell you how many times I encounter the same issue with so many of my clients. Each one thinks he/she is a special case or enduring a special condition that is making her prone to weight gain not loss. And in each case, unaccounted calories, unchallenging exercise, and MOST of all, negative emotions ESPECIALLY anger and resentment toward oneself and others that spill into other areas of one's transformation are the culprits. Now I could write books on these experiences and I am so sorry for the long post, but an overwhelming percentage of the population is not overweight due to some special mystifying condition that is not being addressed. I live in a country with a burning obesity epidemic and I can offer this as food for thought … that behind many allegedly complicated body issues is often something every simple that is too hard for the person to accept and diligently work on.
I'm just saying that "manning up" can be a lovely thing. But you've got to be honest and realize that if you're going to man up to people criticizing the overweight, then in the aftermath of telling them to shut up you must get to the bottom of why you are overweight. Is there something else in your mind, in your heart, or in your social reception, that is still causing you to consume more than you can burn, or to eat things that are simply not fit for consumption? In the process of reinventing and finally loving myself, I had to give myself the one thing that no one else could ever give to me - unconditional nurturing. I manned up for that. And as soon as I did, I knew that my own “brutally honest” assessment of myself and my issues was helping me pave the way to healthy, natural, slow (hence permanent) weight loss.
Yasmine - Thank you for taking the time to write a comment which clearly took you a lot of time and effort.
My problem with again, paying attention to 'weight' is that we don't target those who are sedentary yet still thin. I feel the lifestyle changes that you are talking about - stopping consumption of food that has zero nutritional value, not training, not sleeping, not hydrating etc. - are things that can be benefited by all.
When we target simply the overweight and obese, we miss out on these people who feel that they don't have any health problems because they're thin. And what happens when those who become healthy still don't see the superficial benefits. Should they stop because it's 'not working'?
Like I said in the comment, overweight and sedentary are not the same thing. One can be overweight and not be sedentary. One can be sedentary and not be overweight.
Sedentary lifestyle to me is what we should be targeting, rather than just assuming that all fat people are fat because they're ill disciplined. There are plenty of thin ill disciplined peeps too.
I understand you completely since i have been made fun of over and over because of being big during my teenage and young adult years. It is so sad that some people choose to accept or reject others based on their physical appearances, how they dress, the car they drive and so on. What is inside a person's heart should be more valuable. Gaining weight involuntarily is in my genes and there is nothing that i can do about it. So i chose to be happy for me and i do not care what others may think about my body weight. You are not alone in this and i in fact this is a safe place for me to be. Thanks.
We are being inundated left and right by what is supposedly the beautiful and healthy frame from all forms of marketing. They say that one can't enjoy life if one is fat. So sad that some people are so insensitive. Kids tease and bully fat kids. Where did they learn that fat is supposedly not good? From adults, where else.