I was in the bathroom having a shower after slogging it out on a spin bike at my Aunt's house - the first bit of exercise I'd managed to get in in over a week of being in the USA.
We'd had our Christmas 'lunch' at 5pm (I should really call it a Christmas 'meal' since I'm not sure what it was supposed to be), and I grumbled a bit to my Aunt about missing my Christmas morning at the gym. She told me that she had a spin bike upstairs, and of course, I was thrilled to bits. I queued up a bunch of RPM tracks on the iPod and pedalled it out, and felt great afterwards.
While I was in the shower, some guests arrived, some of whom I'd met the night before but didn't really speak to too much. I was going through my skin regime when I heard my Mum conversing with these people. I wasn't really paying much attention until I heard my name come up.
| Some Auntie | Raina isn't married, is she? |
| Mum | Married? I wish! She doesn't even have a boyfriend. |
| Some Auntie | I thought so... always is the case when you're... 'bigger' |
I know I very much carry a torch for fat acceptance and being comfortable in your body. But I'll admit it, my heart sank when I heard that.
And that was only the beginning.
| Mum | I really wish she'd lose weight, but she doesn't care about her weight anymore. |
| Some Auntie | She should be. If you're fat and have a pretty face, then at least you have a chance but if you don't... well...! |
Why should I care about what Some Auntie I Don't Know says about the way I look?
I don't really. What upsets me is that my Mum sat there, and didn't defend me. She sat there and AGREED with her.
I hoped that this year would be different with us being in a different environment, but fuck me, same shit, different country.
Merry Christmas.
18 comments:
Holy crap! Words fail me beyond that. Polite ones at least.
Geez... these exchanges never fail to amaze me. I'm just baffled as to *why* this shit keeps repeating itself.
On the other hand, glad you got some RPMing in, even if you couldn't get to the gym.
Fuck me, you live in a toxic environment. Save your pennies and get out of there ASAFP, by renting or buying. Don't cut your family off or anything, just become emancipated!
(And I hope you know that you are teh hottness - I assume that you're awesome enough to know that. Please don't let the bitches get you down!)
That is terrible - you really need to get your own space to avoid all that bullshit.
Come move in with me - sure its a few thousand miles away but its got to be better...
And you are a beautiful intelligent sexy athletic kind thoughtful fucking awesome gal and screw anyone who says otherwise
asians! They will never change hang in there or do like me marry someone across the continent now i only hear about them and is not within shooting range
You happen to be gorgeous, face and all. Being "bigger" does not mean you can't have a boyfriend and get married... hello! I am heaps bigger than you and it worked out for me. It just hasn't been the right time and there hasn't been the right guy.
Your family enrages me, constantly. I wish I could just keep you here with me when you get here!!!! Arrrgh!!!!
Everything everyone else has said! You're gorgeous, smart and witty. Your family blows my mind.
You are BEAUTIFUL, screw them!! Omg, seriously. I am sorry for the hurt they cause you on an ongoing basis. And if you come up north to see the 'real' USA, mountains and all, I will buy you the black towels.
I can't believe that conversation! I'm sorry it made you feel so crappy but I know that you know that beauty is so much more than what someone looks like. My hubby has been with me since I was at my biggest and has never changed the way he feels about me despite the many clothes sizes I have been in our 9 year relationship.
xo
(ps. I think you're gorgeous!)
I think you are freakin awesome!
Serious.
xx
Okay, seriously, this is totally abusive. If possible, you need to get away from these people ASAP. It's nothing short of bullying! People have no right to speak that way about you, especially family members.
Oh no I am so sorry. How can people be so thoughtless and heartless?! You really do not need to take any notice of people like this though, just rise above it.
There are no words to describe how horrible that is! I'm sorry. I wish I could just give you a hug.
You are smart, perceptive, and totally PRETTY. I've been reading your blog for years now and I just can't beleive some of the things you've quoted your mom saying on here. :( I hope you can find a way to find happiness and get away from those toxic people for a bit. There's always a lot of us here on the net to help you through it all.
I just ran acorss your blog, and thought I'd tell you I really like it! I've been in that boat before with the rude comments...the sad thing when your "bigger," people think they can have public conversation about it! Geesh!
I am sorry. That sucks! It is amazing how the ones closest to us can cut the deepest. Here is to a fabulous 2010!
You know what Marshy, I can understand exactly how you felt. You won't believe the things my mother says behind AND in front of my face about marriage and how nobody would want me (and yes, I had a huge fight over this during this holidays which never helps).
I never talk about this to anyone because talking about things like this makes me even more upset so I turn a 'blind-eye' and keep it to myself.
Could it be cultural? I can't help but wonder if I was born in a Caucasian family would I be confronted with this idotic talk on a regular basis?
{O_o}
God, that is so fucking rude! Try not to take it to heart, I'm sure you are perfectly lovely.
x
Parents know how to push your buttons because they installed them. I'm not sure non-Asians get this. Seriously, I moved out at 17 and over 20 years later I can push-back enough to get Mom to stop saying rude stuff. But she doesn't get it, the concept of abuse or bullying. It's immature and childish; she's old and not going to change. At some point you have to find a way to accept that this IS who your mother is. She is a woman who 1. wanted a different daughter and 2. thinks that abusive behavior is productive. Your best hope of having her improve her behavior is expecting the worst. Laugh it off, write it down in a "hall of fame", but do not live with her if you can't let it roll off of you. Lose the blame, of her or yourself; if you don't want to have the "marriage" conversation, don't have it! "what other people think of me is none of my business. My business is to get better to think better of myself." Engrave that on your soul.