Since all of you are a bunch of wusses, I was alone in my Virtual Harbour Crossing attempt. How did I do? You get to read it aaaaaall. In excruciating detail.
Length 1: This shouldn't be too hard. You've done this before. You've done further than this before. It doesn't matter that you haven't swum much recently, you're a fit chick. Let's knock those 80 lengths off!
Length 2: Wait a minute... how many lengths am I doing again? 2.8km... that's not 80 lengths! Do the maths do the maths do the maths... um, um, um.... holy crap, it's 112! That's going to take FOREVER!
Length 3: Bloody hell, my arms feel like they're going to fall off. I *knew* I should've trained more, I knew it! Next time, I'm going to go for swims EVERY lunchtime. And after work as well. Except on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Length 4: Only 4 lengths? Awwwwww maaaaaaaaaaaaan, this is going to take aaaaaaages!
Length 5: Oi, kid. Get outta my lane.
Length 6: Oi, kid. Get outta my lane.
Length 7: OI, KID! Did you NOT hear me the first two times? No? You mean I'm actually only saying this in my head? No wonder you can't hear me.
Length 9: Oooooo my arms, they hurteth! When is this going to get easier! I've only done 9 lengths, not even 10% of the swim. Wait... not even 10% of the swim?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Length 13: So I can use that tin of mushroom soup and I think I've got a tub of sour cream in the fridge, if I mix those two together with some scalloped potatoes, mushrooms, broccoli and other crap and whack it in the oven for a bit, I should be all right for dinner. And if I make some rice I can take it to work. Wait a minute... what length am I on? Have I done 15? No wait, that sounds too high. I've definitely done more than 11... this must be length 13. I hope.
Length 14: I was right, that was length 13. And this is length 14.
Length 20: YAY, 20 lengths down! Now is where things get easier.
Length 21: *collides with a male swimmer, swimming without goggles, with his eyes shut, and thus, cannot swim in a straight line*
Length 22: *collides with same swimmer* Oh bloody hell GET OUTTA MY LANE. Well, I guess this IS the slow lane. I'll just have to try to navigate The Blind Guy the best I can.
Length 23: *collides with The Blind Guy again*
Length 24: *collides with The Blind Guy again* Oh MAAAAAN! It's supposed to be EASIER now, not harder! If you're a weak swimmer, at least stay to the left of the lane so I can overtake you, don't zigzag about and keep colliding with me, FER GOODNESS SAKE!
Length 28: Huh... it's been a while since a collision. Maybe he's only that bad when he's warming up.
Length 29: *collides with The Blind Guy again* I KNEW I spoke too soon.
Length 32: My gawd, this is worse than having kids goofing around in your lane. And, I cannot believe I just said that. I reckon the pace of these last 12 lengths has been seriously compromised due to having to deal with this 'hazard'.
Length 37: How many people are there in the other lanes? *starts swimming with bad form to try and get a good look at the other lanes*
Length 40: Noone in the fast lane! I'm outta here. So long, sucker!
Length 46: Should I go to Magali's Pump class or Susan's Pump class on Monday morning? guess I'll have to see if I can wake up early enough to make the drive into town, it's a bit further than driving to New Lynn. I hope Magali doesn't abuse me when I see her for ditching her classes. ... How many lengths have I done again?
Length 54: I should probably start buying Christmas presents now. Especially for the peoples overseas. What can I send them that won't hurt the shipping? Hmmm... there's always the fall back of Toffee Pops and blocks of Whittakkers I guess. The hardest part will be 'saving' a packet for myself. Especially those Tiramisu Toffee Pops. MmMMmm NOM. ... How many lengths have I done again?
Length 68: Purple streamers, purple balloons, those purple star glitter things... what else? Purple flowers... Irises are purple... maybe I can get some purple Gerberas as well. Hmm... maybe Gerberas and Irises won't work so well together... orchids? They might be better, I'll have to be careful with my shades of purple. Hah... all this purple talk reminds me of the Simpsons quote I put on the blog. "This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit." That's gold right there.
Length 74: I really need to buy more socks.
Length 78: Eeeee, almost 2 kilometres up! We're heading home, we're just a stones' throw away from 80 which is a stones' throw away from 100 which is a stones' throw away from 112!
Length 80: *collides with The Blind Guy* What the...?! Where did YOU come from??? I left you in the slow lane 40 lengths ago!!! This is the fast lane, dammit, THE FAST LANE. You should not be here, you hear me?
Length 81: *collides with The Blind Guy* I hate everything.
Length 82: Maaaaaybe, if I try to predict his movements, I can line myself up and shoot past him without him colliding into me. Let's try that.
Length 83: *gets kicked in the head trying to overtake The Blind Guy* I still hate everything.
Length 85: A whole length swimming in the same lane as The Blind Guy and I haven't collided with him. Amazing! But I bet I'm going to collide with him next length, you'll see.
Length 86: *collides with The Blind Guy* There we go, I knew it was too good to be true.
Length 87: *collides with The Blind Guy* At least I don't feel like a bitch for being angry with the kidlets for being annoying.
*collides with a kid* GODDAMMIT! LOOK before ducking through the lane ropes, for goodness sakes! What is this, a scene from Bruce Almighty??? I hate kids.
Length 90: I wonder if I can claim ACC for all of the bruising from the accidents. Or if the bruising is convincing enough to look like a car accident.
Length 95: Not too far to go now. You are 17 collisions away from being DONE. Hang in there, poor head, you'll stop taking a pounding very soon.
Length 97: *collides with The Blind Guy* You know what, this is getting really old.
Length 98: *collides with another swimmer who decided to stop in the middle of the lane* Oh so The Blind Guy has an ACCOMPLICE now? The Standing Lady? You trying to stop me from getting these 112 lengths done? You're gonna FAIL, I promise you that.
Length 101: Kids, get outta the way, I need to push off the wall and get this length started. Wait, what length is this again? 101? Awww MAN, you mean I passed the 100th length and didn't get to do a happy dance? I guess I am in the water anyway, I'm not sure what sort of weird dance I could do anyway.
Length 104: *collides with The Standing Lady* I'm about to be Punk'd, right?
Length 108: Four lengths to go, four lengths to go. You can do it, then you'll be free of these hoons forever.
Length 110: Time to turn it up. FULL STEAM AHEAD. No mercy!
Length 111: *bulldozes through The Blind Guy and The Standing Lady*. *gets some evil looks in the process*
Length 112: All done! That wasn't anywhere near as hard as I thought it would be. Let's do it again next year.
21 comments:
yay for you!
your commentary cracks me up as always :)
Ha ha! Well done on the memory... or good imagination!
You crack me up lady
Lol! Well done, how many people actually swimming in the pool?!
Haha, awesome :D Congratulations! I think next time you need to swim with one of those viking helmets with the horns :D Then people will get out the way!
Well your comment on my blog was 'quite the ordeal' and all I did was lock myself out! So I'm gonna say 'right backatcha' and then go away and feel bad that the most active thing I did today was leave my bed!
An inspiration as always!! ;)
hhahahaa, the word verification thing I had to type in was 'LARDY' - how did they know!!!
Hahahahahahahahahaha.
Sigh ....
Well swam. Congratulations on not becomeing homocidal
That is fantastic, you should feel very proud.
Well that exhausted me just reading it, so I have no idea how you got through it all. Amazing effort! Very proud of you. :-)
YAY!! You're awesome!! BTW I am seriously considering your offer to be training buddies...
PS: Colliding with one person one time would have weirded me out enough to quit. You rock.
Holy crap, you're amazing! And very brave for trying it, and a HERO for completing it!!!
If I kept colliding with a dude, I think my foot would accidentally collide with his crotch on the 15th pass. Might make him move over next time?? :)
Lorrie - Cheers :-D And by the way, you were FAST! I was still editing the post when you left your comment :-O
Chris H - Are you saying I imagined the bumps on my head??? :-P
Sarah-I - Hehehehe! I guarantee if you were in the pool, you wouldn't have been laughing :-P
Lucinda - Not many, from the looks of things!
Fat Lazy Guy - Oh MAN, I reckon! I gotta get me one of those helmets :-D
Emma Wood - Hahahh, cheers :-D (and if you're feeling bad about the word verification, I just typed 'cheese' instead of cheers. Mmmmmm... cheeeeese...)
Pip - I think that sums it up nice and succinctly :-)
Gabrielle - Who said I didn't become homicidal? ;-)
Anon - Thank you :-)
Tully - I can tell you, it was pretty exhausting writing it up as well!
cmae - Keep me posted! I'd love to be training buddies :-D
Lyn - Note I didn't say *where* my collisions took place. I'm certain that there may have been a foot to the crotch at least once or twice :-P I don't think it seemed to matter much. Stupid fool, grrrrr!
"I really need to buy more socks..." SO funny. Congrats!
Very cute! I always lose track of my laps. Must be some kind of mental block.
Kate - Guess what I spent my money on in the weekend ;-) Socks! A girl can never have too many :-D
Sparky - It's tough keeping track of the laps; I often spend my time trying to think back to how many I've done.
Holy crap! Well done. Next time give the blind guy a thumb in the eye. He obviously doesn't need them!
Andrew - Now THERE's some good advice :-D He certainly wasn't making use of those things, so there's no need for me to be feeling bad if I accidentally stab him in the eye ;-)
I'm shattered just reading that ;-)
Well Done! That's amazing... I can't stand swimming laps - I get too bored. Haven't swum a length since I was in school, I reckon I'd drown now.
Plus I don't know the etiquette - someone might find me very annoying!